About Me

Hello, my name is ShellysAshes. I'm a 27 year old man from Stoke-On-Trent in England.




I enjoy/have interests in; reading books; watching films/TV series/documentaries etc; listening to music (especially listening to LPs); playing the keyboard; cooking; nutrition; meditation; ebay selling; fitness; self-improvement; poker.




I love playing squash. I love my family and I love Stoke City.





Poker Background

First took an interest after being invited to home games whilst working at a bar way back in 2008/2009. Started taking it quite seriously around 2010/2011.




From 2012-2015 my main games were 180s and turbo MTTs on Pokerstars. Despite receiving backing and guidance from some very hard-working and talented guys (most are still active and doing well, one is a nosebleed MTT reg now) I've never had the discipline to max out and capitalise on whatever potential I possess. I never truly moved beyond the micros and, despite excellent results down there, it's something that I deeply regret because the paths to success have been kindly lit by the torches of others on many occasions. For reasons that I will get into, I just didn't have my **** down and as a result was always unable to take the necessary steps to success.




I've had several threads on 2+2's PGC forum in the past and they've always ended abruptly, and mostly in a destructive blaze of failure and negativity.



Why will this thread be different?

I've spent the last two years working low-paid, menial type jobs. I spent well over 6 months in a trophy manufacturer's warehouse, standing in the freezing cold, building 100s of the same trophy (whilst literally being timed for productivity) and getting paid minimum-wage. It was hellish.




Most of last year I was in a 3.5t van doing long-distance delivery driving across Britain. We dealt in laminate flooring. I've travelled to most places on the island and looking back it's an experience I'm grateful for.

I decided to leave that job because the hours were crazy. Even though I was earning more than enough money to live comfortably I wasn't able to live the life I need to be happy.




I could write a decent piece about how not to be a professional poker player based on having made every mistake in the book. It's almost cliche' but the importance of a healthy work/life balance is critical for happiness, not just in poker but in any job. You need to work to support your life but if you don't have your **** down outside of work then your job will suffer, and if you are working too many hours and not living a good life away from your job then you will suffer.

When I was playing as my main source of income I was deeply unhappy. I lived at home still, didn't pursue any meaningful interests in my leisure time and suffered from severe social-anxiety and mental-health issues that negatively impacted on my social-life and my desire to go out and build/strengthen human relationships. My physical health, whilst never terrible, was nowhere near what I wanted it to be. My financial situation was never enough to justify my self-appointed title of "professional poker player".

I had to travel to my brother's house to grind as the internet connection at my mum and dad's was abysmal and this was far from an ideal situation. Coupled with all the other mistakes I made, I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of depression, failing on my short-term goals, more severe depression, feeling pressure to grind to pay for my bills, failing to hit targets, more depression, self-loathing, not pursuing more important interests in life on a consistent basis as I always felt a pressure to grind, etc etc etc. I was in a dark place.




In the last two years however, things have gradually changed for the better.

I moved out of my mum and dad's whilst working in the trophy warehouse and, even though it was a horrible little flat, I started to learn how to look after myself and finally started to feel like an adult for the first time in my life.




I received therapy for my mental-health issues and am currently in the process of being diagnosed for Asperger's Syndrome, which makes a lot of sense looking back even to my early childhood. In a strange way I want that diagnosis to be confirmed as it would provide a huge sense of closure for me.

I've learnt a lot about proper diet, nutrition and exercise and am currently in the best shape of my life. I'm a member of a local squash club and there's a flourishing league structure down there that I absolutely love being a part of. I base my whole fitness around becoming a better squash player and it gives me a huge sense of joy and accomplishment, plus the social aspect of course!




I express my creativity through learning to play the keyboard and I have a few other ideas of areas I'd like to try in the future. At the moment I'm still very much in the beginner stage but I have a genuine dream of being able to create my own electronic album one day. A fairly well known MTT reg impressed on me the importance of creative outlets a few years back and I'm grateful to him for that advice because he is 100% correct. I think he said something along the lines of "many people are depressed because they are creators but don't know it and don't create".




I now live in a really nice little terraced house that I rent from my parents, live a much healthier and happier life than I did a few years back, have much better social relationships and social interactions (greatly reduced anxiety, higher confidence), I'm much better at setting goals and achieving them and most importantly of all I'm slowly but surely learning to love myself.




For all these reasons, I believe I'm finally ready to come back to poker and give it my best.



Why Spins?

The idea of returning to my old habits of grinding from the afternoon to late at night and living nocturnally does not appeal to me whatsoever.

I also don't like the idea of settling down and being locked into 10hr+ grinds with only 5min breaks. You can't really split your sessions if you grind MTT or even MTT-SNGs, it's just not practical.

Spins offer the opportunity to play at all hours of the day, and to break up your sessions into several shorter sessions. This is important for me as poker needs to fit in with the life I'm looking to live. It also offers a truer sense of flexibility.

Obviously spins are an extremely high-variance game but I think that, mentally at least, it's a different type of variance to MTT type variance. I think with spins it's much easier to detatch yourself from the session to session results and focus more on your game and your EV. As someone who was always big on studying and gaining confidence in my game that way, I find this prospect very attractive.

I also like the idea of essentially building up to a point where I know that, if I grind x amount of hours in a month I'll earn roughly x amount in rakeback. The prospect of making a giant sum in a few minutes is always there but the much more realistic prospect of being able to make a fairly accurate estimate of earnings based on time and effort is enticing.



Results So Far

I deposited $600 and have been grinding the $3 games. Started off by running hotter than the sun, including binking two 10x multipliers. (though lost in a 25x)






I believe I've already improved and adjusted to the level. I've bought an ICMizer 2 license and am enjoying studying again for the first time in a few years.



The Purpose of This Thread

I've created this thread for several reasons. Firstly, I'm currently looking to get backing and coaching (there may be developments on this soon) so I'll use this thread as a place to show what I'm about.

I also want to make my poker goals accountable. I probably won't set other goals in this thread as I have all those bases covered already, though I may talk about other stuff I've got going on if people show interest.

More than anything I love poker blog forums. I love reading threads and seeing people grow and progress, and I love how supportive the majority of people are compared to other forums on poker message-boards!



My Goal

My goal is to reach a point where poker is, at the very least, my main source of income (I may find P/T bar work or something) and where I can live a nice life without financial worries. I can live well on £1.2k a month so if I can get to (then past) that point it would be amazing. I'll probably need help to get there but I don't think it's an unrealistic goal.

In the past I always dreamed of becoming a millionaire and in a way, I feel like having a dream so far away only served as a hindrance. Since then, I've come to know myself a lot better and I now realise that this crazy notion that all my problems would melt away if I became successful at poker were, quite frankly, insane.

My priority in life now is to just live well and find contentment by making small consistent steps to progress each day and I believe that, with hard-work and guidance, I can mostly cover the financial side of life through poker. I'm just looking for a platform that allows me to live the life I need to live to be happy.


Thankyou for reading and I will drop in again soon with some goals and developments.

ShellysAshes.